Reality Staring Me In The Face

Lets talk about Stress.  Stress is sometimes looked at as a burden to an individual/family and sometimes, I've noticed, that stress is idolized as a state of living that is to be desired.  Although I think the second kind of stress is a scary state for our culture to admire, I would like to talk about the first kind of stress.

The first kind of stress effects me more in my adult life than I ever remember it effecting me when I was a kid.  And we all cope with stress differently.  Some express emotions at extreme levels, some drink alcohol, some obsess about activities or work, and some do what I do.  Eat.

I can't even explain it.  I can be full and know I'm not hungry and might even not want to eat, but I just keep going.  It's like my body thinks food is a medicine that I need right then, and I need as much as I can get.  This past year was very stressful for me for many reasons.  One of those reasons was a foot injury.  And because I wasn't really paying attention or addressing my stresses well, I ate.  And I ate. And I ate.

Between my injury and my inability to exercise (this is usually my 1st line of defense to my yearning to eat) I managed to gain 45 lbs in the last 12 months.  And it's rough.  It's hard to watch 3 years of hard work disappear behind a mask that jiggles.

In the first half of the year, I was super excited to begin my workouts again.  I spent months doing no strenuous activity and was excited to get back to doing what I love.  But I forgot how slow one has to go after an injury.  It's been a while since I had a significant injury and my body is definitely older now.  (I never thought I would say that)  It's true.  Gaining my strength and abilities back seems to be at a snails pace, and thus extremely frustrating.

I didn't really account for this 6 months ago when I registered for the Utah Valley Half Marathon.  So, the race is here.  And I'm not ready to run it.  I was thinking that I would try to find someone else to take my place when I was reminded by my sister-in-law that people walk these races.  Now, I usually run.  I tend to do things quickly.  But by body is screaming at me and I need to slow down; in more ways than just exercise.  I have to respect where I am.  Right here.  Right now.  And enjoy it.

Here's to walking my first race.

Dear Body,

This year I set out to Eat Clean and help you become healthier inside.  I made it 8 months.  I ate Clean, felt wonderful, exercised 4-6 times a week, lost 45 pounds, and 3 dress sizes.  It was feeling like a great accomplishment.  Then I lost sight of my real goal. . . To Be HEALTHY!!  Not just to lose weight and size.  I fell off the bandwagon. I started eating too many treats, missing too many workouts, and justifying it all by how great I was feeling and looking.  Only to kill all my hard work in just a few weeks.

So, here I am again.  15 pounds heavier than I was in July.  You now telling me that it doesn't feel good.  You feel lethargic and yucky inside.  You have been nagging me to keep going. To keep my eye on the real goal.

I want to be healthy and create a healthy lifestyle that makes me feel good, keeps you working properly, and that has become a good HABIT.  Apparently 8 months was NOT long enough for me to establish Eating Clean as a habit.  Which brings me to this next year.  . .

12 months of Eating Clean  

The new goal.  It will be done.

I'm truly sorry for all the pain and sickness I have caused this year.  Next year will be another story.

Love,

Phannie

February All Ready!!

I know, I know.  We are a week in already.  But I just can't believe how fast time is flying by.  It's craziness.

In case you were panicking about the time flying by too, don't worry.  There is time to get your fitness goals set for the year.  I set mine back at the beginning of January.  But lets be honest, it doesn't matter when you decide that the time is right for you to improve your health, as long as you dedicate yourself to accomplishing your goal.

To help me with accomplishing mine, I need to let you know what mine are so you can help keep me accountable.

NUTRITION:

By the end of the year, I want to be completely Eating Clean.  This is far tougher than I thought it was going to be.  Planning at home meals, eating out, eating at other peoples homes, holidays, birthdays, vacations.  Lets just say the last couple of months have been rough on my digestive system.

FITNESS:

My running time has been extremely limited since I had my 2 youngin's.  But I seriously want to add miles on my shoes this year.  To do that, my running goals include:

3 = 5K's
1 = 10K
1 =Ragnar Relay

I'm quite excited.  I'm already registered for the Ragnar and two weeks into training.  BooYah!

To add to my speed and endurance I set the goal of:

-lifting 3 times a week
-cross training 2-3 times a week.
-accomplish the Holiday Trim Your Tire Challenge (Nov-Dec)

SELF IMAGE:

Self image is a big deal.  I don't want anyone, especially my daughter to feel as though she has to fuss about her weight and looks her whole life.  To help her to understand that self confidence, sense of humor, kindness, knowledge, and joy are the most beautiful aspects of a person, I am going to need to feel/see these traits in myself.  So, I will be:

-improving my knowledge by reading 100 books.
-improving my self confidence by racing and lifting
-improving my involvement in my community

I am an extreme goal maker.  I know this.  Multiple categories, subcategories. But there is really only one way to make and keep your goals, and that's to do what's important to you and is going to improve your life.  Your way.  With the support of friends.

I would love to be your support.  Will you be mine throughout this year?

Spicing Up The Treadmill

I realized today that I love to run.  I love to run even more on a track or road, but for now the treadmill will do. 

When on the treadmill, I have a hard time just letting my body do it's job.  I think about my knees, ankles, what part of my foot is hitting the ground first, what hurts, what feels good or anything else like these.  However, I seem to be unable to let my body just enjoy the feeling.  It's sad really.  But probably has a lot to do with the lack scenery. 

So, to try and keep my mind away from mechanics, I decided I would try to up my speed a bit.  I have all winter to do it.  I will do it a little at a time.  Today on my 2 mile run, I ran 1/2 a mile at speed 7.  I have no idea what this means OR if it is universal between treadmills.  In other words, it means I ran a 9 minute mile pace for 1/2 a mile.  It was hard.  But I'm going to do it until it's easy, and then I'm going to run longer at that speed.  I don't really have a goal of running a certain distance within a certain time, but at least this will ad variety to my runs on the treadmill.  And it's fun. 

What fun things do you do to spice up your treadmill runs?

Fat People Anonymous: Pizza Overload

Hi.  My name is Phannie. 

*Hello Phannie*

I am a recovering fat person.  I fell off the wagon.  I ate Pizza.  Cheesebread.  Cinnastix.  Oh the joy I felt while doing it.  And even a while afterwards, but the next day when I had it again for Lunch. . . 

OH the PAIN.  The guilty pain.  The second round didn't even taste that good.  I wanted to hurl.  I didn't.  (Bulimia, to me, is a waste of money.  Anorexia is more financially sound.  If only food didn't taste so good.)  I didn't even workout Saturday.  OR Sunday.  Which made this mornings workout  DEATH to my muscles.  I could barely get through the workout. Not to mention having to watch my fatness squish together during the ab workout first.  BLEH.   I guess that's what I get for filling my tank with crap. 

New Goal:

Fill my body with energizing foods.  Foods that will get me through my workouts.

Thank you for being my support.

Shredding Progress

It's not a whole lot, but it's a little bit of change.

front view

side view

We'll just have to see how the next 6 months go.

Shred Day 26: Fat People Anonymous

Hi. My name is Phannie.  I have been fat food free for 12 hours.  I know.  I fell off the bandwagon.  There are no excuses, but today is a new day and I WILL do better.  To start this "better" phase I began with:

20 squats
30 lunges
40 calf raises
60 second wall squat
100 jumping jacks
60 second wall squat
40 plie squats
30 leg lifts
20 squats

I'm tired.  My stomach is cramping and I just want a chocolate bar.  However, the goal today is to NOT eat one.  I can do it.

100 Mile Challenge

I have been running for the last three weeks with my wonderful friend Janet. Last night on our run, she said that she was doing this 100 mile challenge. It's to run 100 miles by the end of the year. And she wanted me to do it with her. I said,

"YES!"

I am a little nervous about the holiday festivities getting in the way of my required 10 miles a week, but I'm hoping that I will be able to stay on target. It will also help me to prepare for my first Half Marathon. My little brother asked me to sign up for it with him. I did. I don't know what I'm thinking. I haven't even done a 10K before. Oh NO! It's in 8 months, which is plenty of time to train for it, but I've never ran that many miles at one time. The farthest I have run at one time is 5.5 miles. This will be the first real challenge I have set for myself in a while. I'm excited to keep you updated on my progress.

And There Was Light. . .

I have reached the end of my prego tunnel. I have been cleared to exercise. I can be active with my kids. I can get outside and enjoy the elements. Oh, the euphoria.

Today was Day #1. My little Sweet Pea and I did our Winsor Pilates and Walk Away the Pounds-2 Mile. It was pretty cute to watch my toddler kicking, walking, and raising her arms like the videos. She did well. However, I didn't feel like I did so well. I forgot how hard it is to start exercising after a c-section. The pilates was really my trouble spot. I didn't get through half of the video. Oh well. Next time I will get through at least half. It's hard. I did get through the whole Walk Away the Pounds video though. It felt great.

I love sweating. Have I ever mentioned that. Oh yes. I do. I'm not going to get into any workout plans yet (although I'm dying to try Insanity). I am just going to work on doing something every day to increase my strength and endurance. So that I can start running again.

It's so hard to do a lot of things in the winter. So, my goal this winter is to find fun ways to keep myself and my little ones active. Things that we can do every time winter rolls around.

Wish me luck!

p90x Lean: Week 1

Week 1: Complete. (really I have to do Kenpo today, but I will)

It's been a wonderful week. I got up at 5 am everyday. I got a ton of things finished before my little Sweet Pea even woke up. Wonderful.

My legs are sore and I LOVE IT! I love feeling that I worked hard and have completed so much and am closer to my goal. The goal: to be back to the fitness level I was in before I got pregnant by New Years. It can be done.

Skinny Jeans

I fit into my pre-preggo jeans today. I didn't even have to suck in to get them done up. It was a wonderful feeling. I makes me want to get out and continue my exercising.

Rewards are SOO worth the effort!!!

Wasatch Woman Love Your Body Goal

There are 4.5 days until the race. I'm so excited. I have one goal for this race. It's not to come in first, or improve my previous 5k time, but to finish in under 1 hour. I'm currently walking a 5k in right around 45 minutes; so, this means that I have roughly 15 minutes to finish the last half mile. I can do this. I can do it.

I hope that all of you walking the race with me are ready to boogy along. Can't wait until Saturday.

Dear Body,

Can we come to a truce? I have been trying to take care of you, and get you back into tip top shape and THIS is how you thank me? This is the second time. You got sick AGAIN. Really?! I know this time it doesn't feel quite as bad as last, but still. Can you just tell me you need a day to lounge around without getting sick? It would be nice. I promise to not overwork you and give you a day off if you promise not to get sick again for a while. What do you think? Yes?

Yours Truly,
Phannie

My First Morning of the 500

I'm just going to call it the 500 and you are just going to know what I'm talking about. Deal? good.

This morning I got up fed my Sweet Pea and myself (I'm quite proud of this one, I don't usually make time to eat) and set off on our little walk this morning. This is my real first day of keeping track of points. Too bad it's in the middle of the tracking week.

I'm getting in my water.

I exercised.

I did my push-ups, sit-ups, squats, and calf raises.

Does jumping with Sweet Pea on my lap count as weight lifting? I think it should.

How are you doing on your points/goals?

Biggest Loser Family

My Family is doing Biggest Loser. We have until December 17th, right before we all participate in our Christmas Festivities. I'm really excited. I don't know if everyone is taking this seriously, but I sure am. I want the $100 at the end to go get a spa treatment OR a new outfit for my new body OR more running gear. I don't know, but I'm going to WIN!!

This contest is mine.

I'm starting at:

weight: 196 pounds.

pant/dress size: 16

AND flabby all over.

By Christmas this will be NO MORE!!

Oh So Much Summer

It's been so long. I have been really busy with a new little one and had smooshed all my blogs together without even thinking about it. But I'm back. Posting Here about my fitness.

So, you can imagine, I'm almost 7 months post-baby and still flabby. Obviously wanting to get back to my extreme exercising self is the goal, but a very distant goal. Beginning my trek to skinny-dom started out pretty rocky. I didn't get out much. Ate like I was pregnant still. (not that I ate for two, I just didn't make the wisest choices.) And complained about being fat.

NOW. . .

I am walking everyday. (I started to run, but my breast milk lessened. So, I stopped) I joined the




And I have thoroughly enjoyed it. I think I have lost a couple of inches. I've got to step it up to meet my goal for December. To lose the extra 30 pounds I'm holding onto. I'm gonna do it.

I enjoyed the 120 mile challenge so much that this fall





And I'm stoked!!! If you want to participate in the 500 challenge go to nutsinanutshell.blogspot.com and email Cat. She would love it. Don't be afraid 500 is NOT miles this time. It's points. And you earn points in a million different ways. It will be so fun. I hope you join in.

And Again.

So, I worked out once a couple of weeks ago.

Last week, I worked out twice. It's an improvement.

This week, the GOAL: to work out three times. This might be a challenge because of Thanksgiving and the family activities, but I can do it.

I can do it. I can do it. I can do it.

I DID IT!

I exercised today! It felt wonderful. I worked my legs and arms. Basically everything around the mid-section. I feel good.

I WILL do it again tomorrow.

I thought I was supposed to be Constipated!

So, I'm not. I thought I was supposed to be when pregnant. Especially nearing the third trimester.

Does anyone know any foods that plug up this problem? I just don't feel like taking any medications.


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I'm trying to get motivated. Two years ago I got myself off my fat ass and lost all the weight I have currently put back on. (ya ya I know, I'm supposed to. blah blah blah) I'm just not able to motivate myself to get out of the house to go walking or do yoga, or swimming, or anything else that would be healthy for baby.

I had a goal to be that pregnant woman who ran past me in the 5K Freedom Run in 2008. I have NOT kept up my running and can probably not just begin now.

What motivated you to get out while you were pregnant? What motivates you even if you're not?

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Sorry. My ranting is over. Frustration with my lack of excitement is just getting to me.

Couch Potato No More

Hi, my name is Phannie. I was a couch potato. This is my first day on my journey to recovery.

I have eaten.
Turned off the TV.
Been cleaning.
Exercised (power 90 cardio intervals).
Reading.
I will study new things.
I will find more joy in life.
There will be good habits formed when the baby comes.

Promise!