The first kind of stress effects me more in my adult life than I ever remember it effecting me when I was a kid. And we all cope with stress differently. Some express emotions at extreme levels, some drink alcohol, some obsess about activities or work, and some do what I do. Eat.
I can't even explain it. I can be full and know I'm not hungry and might even not want to eat, but I just keep going. It's like my body thinks food is a medicine that I need right then, and I need as much as I can get. This past year was very stressful for me for many reasons. One of those reasons was a foot injury. And because I wasn't really paying attention or addressing my stresses well, I ate. And I ate. And I ate.
Between my injury and my inability to exercise (this is usually my 1st line of defense to my yearning to eat) I managed to gain 45 lbs in the last 12 months. And it's rough. It's hard to watch 3 years of hard work disappear behind a mask that jiggles.
In the first half of the year, I was super excited to begin my workouts again. I spent months doing no strenuous activity and was excited to get back to doing what I love. But I forgot how slow one has to go after an injury. It's been a while since I had a significant injury and my body is definitely older now. (I never thought I would say that) It's true. Gaining my strength and abilities back seems to be at a snails pace, and thus extremely frustrating.
I didn't really account for this 6 months ago when I registered for the Utah Valley Half Marathon. So, the race is here. And I'm not ready to run it. I was thinking that I would try to find someone else to take my place when I was reminded by my sister-in-law that people walk these races. Now, I usually run. I tend to do things quickly. But by body is screaming at me and I need to slow down; in more ways than just exercise. I have to respect where I am. Right here. Right now. And enjoy it.
Here's to walking my first race.
